I just started work about two months ago and just started to settle down. Its like the two sides of the coin, after my conversion to a particular main stream religion in my country, I've been kicked out from my own society. I felt lost and wandered around aimlessly begging for help. I was manipulated and I wish either sides could have been more humane dealing with it.
Finally I got help from the mainstream group. I was manipulated at first but now its gets better! I am being molded to their culture, their thinking and their preference. What was a emotional soul searching journey is beginning to become a nightmare. When I was down and wayward, I wanted to have God with me every second and when I found this religion that could improve myself, I embraced it.
Hold and behold, the community around it sucks! There are things I don't wanna change. I refuse to adapt to a whole new marketing spectrum. Its like we have this and that a better (holier version) but deep in the root its all money, women and power!
There are corruptions, manipulations everywhere I turn and now being "enlightened" makes me suppressed my true inner self. I do have multiple personalities that appears when necessary in different situations and currently its rebelling against each other.
I'm getting transferred soon and its under the person who have made some positive changes in my life-well I received money (I'm kinda of obliged). However I doubt its going to be a rosy ride. I hope I don't drown myself in anger and hatred and change to another religion when I turn to God again.
Religion is one of the most overrated word in humanity! All that God wants people to do is not hurt ourselves or others and to be loving when necessary and hate when needed. This whole crap about being superficial is really getting on my nervous and I see plastic emotions or emotions created under the influence of some specific matter. I love God so much that I am willing to hear his words in every book there is in this planet but people around me makes me feel I don't deserve God if I'm not to his expectations according to their book or their society.
I hate MZ for God's sake, that guy has taken the world by just being God related! He made people idolize him, memorize his songs and drool over him. The same shit other artistes do to be a star. There is a whole marketing strategy targeting the uncapped market of the masses just by using the name religion on it. I love Eminem, I loved Alanis, these were real people with real emotions. Pain, hunger, anger, rage, resentment is what our true self is actually made of. What I want is to manage it well and not be too goody goody.
Look at yourself and if you think I don't meet up to your level, well shut the bloody hell up! I am just a human making my journey better each day and not shroud myself in a cloth of holiness but roll in dirt before it.
I have issues daily just like you and having bottle them inside hurts a lot. I hate superficial people!
No comments:
Post a Comment